Immigrant about town / Sex and the Immigrant

Hi, my name is Marco and people usually call me Marco. I am a new immigrant in London, just arrived(08 months ago) from a 3rd World country. I come from a medium class family. Learned how to speak English at a very early age, but it seems I don’t need it here in London. I hardly ever bump into an English guy. That makes my life much easier. I speak my own language and my counterpart always believes I am speaking English, because he can’t understand either. Together, we don’t get along very well. I try not to kill the English grammar with my mistakes, but please do correct me when necessary. If I still find grammatical error in Accenture’s website, I am more than welcome to have my own. Or am I not?

While waiting for my work permit, I lost no time rehearsing some job seeking. Most recruiters send me automatic replies(very polite, btw)saying that I have no skills or experience necessary for the job. Last month I took a bus to Soho, to try and forget my problems. You know, have a coffee and see beautiful people up and down Compton Street. I sat(in the bus)on the disabled seats. People looked awkward to me. I replied in a very polite English: “I am disabled, all job recruiters say I am mentally challenged.” This is one comfort I am allowed.

People always ask me: “Marco, and what about your wife and kids? How do they cope?” Look, I hate to lie. That could be the reason why no recruiter sends my application forward. So I say: “they are fine”. I have two dogs: one is named your wife and the other- the kids. You see, it’s a way not to lie. In my own old country, it’s commercially no good to be single after 30. People have ideas. Is it here the same? I have a beard, but I am afraid I will get no job with a beard(too aggressive).I am ethnically “white-others”, which makes me technically more “others” than “white”. Back in my country it was a great virtue to be white. Good Ole country.

“Marco, what are you doing here then?”Well, elegance is something very important to me. Back in my country I can be no elegant with such a hot and humid weather. Where else can I wear a scarf other than in London? Specially in my own flat, during winter time. My landlord forgot to insulate, double glaze and floor heat the flat. Now I can finally have a taste of Dickens. During summertime, I have my socks on.It’s a heritage building (grade II, they tell me) .My first week here I was haunted by ghosts (probably nuns).I fell from the stairs and burned my back in the heater. I asked the landlord to remove the ghosts from my flat, but he says they are part of the heritage thing(grade II-ghosts included). All in all, glad to be here-people are friendly. And you know what? “I approach the policeman- he seems so pleased to please me”. You don’t know, my friends -how good it still is.