Part 04 My own friends

Oh, yes-friends. Back in Ole Country I had some friends. But that was 20 years ago.

Well,you ask- what happened to them? Well, I came out of the closet, they were very kind and slowly disappeared. One of them, a fine GP, I went to visit when I stretched myself a bit too much in the lower rear end(oh, sweet bird of youth!).

I entered his practice and said: “Daniel, do you know that joke about the guy who went to the GP and asked for an anti-inflammatory for wood stick. And the GP: ‘what wood stick?- Oh, I slipped and fell on a wooden stick’. The GP observes and analyses the very epicentre of the patient’s complaint and says: ‘I will give you an anti-inflammatory for wooden sticks, but it’s a different one for injury caused by dick. You sure it was a wooden stick?- Oh, very sure doctor’. So the doctor prescribes, handles him the letter and the patient: ‘Do you mind also prescribing the cream for dicks? One can never be totally sure”.

Daniel smiled and advised: “Marco, it’s time you stop looking for dicks, settle down and find yourself a boyfriend”. I agreed with him immediately, and carefully considered the anti-inflammatory for dick. That was how I came out of the closet for these friends, and I never heard from them ever since. OK, I’m exaggerating a bit, but I have never been invited to their houses, a Brit Milah or, lately- even a Bar Mitzvah. I miss the dancing in these parties, though the food has constantly and efficiently and methodically turned into crap(blame it on Ole Country’s long and steady recession). So, I believe no harm’s done.

To be totally honest, I have met many other friends since(even in Ole Country)but the guys out of the closet at that time were not Oxford and Cambridge breed, if you know what I mean. So I always felt myself an outcast , never actually belonging anywhere, something more or less like these guys who work in parliament. Mind you, in Ole Country there are thousands ( I mean thousands) of Universities but the ones which really matter are about 03 or 04. I graduated in one of them, but they still mean nothing in this side of the pond (the Atlantic). I have no hard feelings with regards to it, because I have graduated many years ago.

But, as I was saying, at my time, you just could not find Jewish gay guys. They did not exist. After a few years, I came to understand they would fly to New York twice a year and have a blast. And then, use the anti-inflammatory cream I was telling you about.